This is the first edition of The Friend of the People. We are dedicated to the ideals of the revolution, and to the destruction of its enemies. We are an independent newspaper. We have no allegiance to those in power and will publish only the truth. The truth will set all Europe free. Vive le révolution!
L'Ami du Peuple has many friends in places both high and low throughout Europe. One of them has sent us this private message from the counter-revolutionaries to the First Citizen of the Revolution.
Monsieur Robespierre,
Allow me to present my credentials as the representative of His Britannic Majesty, King James.
His Majesty has entrusted me to explore what possibilites of amity and rapprochement may exist between the Government of the United Kingdom, and the government of which you are a member.
I would like to explore said possibilites in the interest of European amity, and write this not in hopes that your excellency will be amiable to said exploration.
I will await your excellency's reply, or that of your designate,
And until such time, remain,
Your most humble servant,
Sir George Mackay, 6th Lord Reay
Foreign Secretary to His Most Britannic Majesty
Note the unintended error in the Rosbif's message - it should be "now" instead it is "not." The Gaddam could not help but reveal his true feelings - his hatred for the revolution. These Rosbif aristocrats loath the ideals of the revolution. They know that the force of our ideals will be their downfall. Aristocracy cannot withstand Liberty, Equality or Brotherhood. All power is with the people, not with the pampered few.
Below we publish Citizen Lebrun-Tondu's response to the counter-revolutionairies.
Ambassador MacKay,
I speak for France.
His Excellency Robespierre, on behalf of the Republic of France, accepts your credentials and notes that by his doing so, thus establishes the recognition of our government by your government and vice versa.
There is one and only one predicate to any communication with France.
You have established through direct financial, military and other covert support, a coven of
effete elitists who call themselves "Bourbons" and who seek to undermine the legitimate government
of France, that which you have by your recent letter duly recognized and sought intercourse with,
and have kept these personages hidden on French soil in pursuit of their avowed goal of destroying
the government you have so recognized.
You cannot speak to us of amity from one side of your mouth and expel spittle into our face from the other.
You recognize our government and work to destroy it.
Once you have removed any and all of your support of these "Bourbon" personages, both overt and covert, and removed them from our borders, then feel free to again speak with France.
Until then, the door is closed by your own hand.
Pierre Henri Hélène Marie Lebrun-Tondu
Le Ministre des Affaires Etrangeres
Quai de Orsay
Paris
Death to the counter-revolutionaries!! Vive le Republique!!
Jean-Paul Marat, editor
Les Jambes des Crapauds
Actually, Monsieur Marat, I must take issue with the diplomatic verbosity demonstrated by your Minister of Strangers, Monsier Helene-Marie. I believe my esteemed cabinet colleague merely missed an "e", making it "note" instead of "not" or "now". An easy error to make on your part, as the linguists and educated classes in your country have lost so much of their vocabulary via the unfortunate misadventure of losing their heads. And of course, I agree that your "news"paper has many friends, high and low, across Europe. Sadly, most fall into the "low" category.
On a related matter, donne-moi le roti de boeuf, mais pas les jambes des crapauds! One must truly be careful about insulting other nations' menus, if one is reduced to eating amphibians, arthropods, and varieties of mouldy cheeses. Though I must admit, my Navy is developing a taste for frog's legs. Singed and tenderized by grapeshot, of course.
Sir David Angst
First Lord of the Admiralty
MR Marat If it is your hope
MR Marat
If it is your hope that a single word will give you just cause to saite your naked agression for blood, you are sadly mistaken. Your excuse for war is thin indeed and I am sure that the rest of the civilized world will see this as well. Your "revolution" is nothing more than an excuse for thieves and vagabonds to seize power from their rightful rulers. Bring on your war you ignorant peasent, I look forward to giving you a sound thrashing!
Sir Douglas Oak
Minister Of War, Great Britain, Ireland and Hanover