What's Ur Best Pun? My Best 4
1) A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
2) Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."
3) A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?", they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
4) A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" the friars to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
Bill Otis
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An oldy but a goody...
Once upon a time, a king lived in a two-story grass hut when all others around him lived in one-story abodes. The king was cruel, and forced his subjects to build him a copper throne. When he got tired of it, he made them build him a silver throne and stored the copper one on the second floor. His rear end quickly stopped enjoying the silver throne, so he commissioned a gold throne and put the silver one next to the first throne, upstairs. Once gold began to bore him, he flogged his people until they built him a platinum one. Finally, as he sat in his platinum throne, his second floor collapsed, and the first three thrones -- gold, silver and copper -- crashed down on his head, killing him. Which just goes to show that those who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.
Steven Mathena
I am in marketing. I make you buy things you don't need. SGM